4th Grade Book Report: Boston Celtics

I will try and write one book report for every NBA team this season.

Hi. I was told to learn about the Boston Celtics, so I am here to talk about the Boston Celtics.

The Boston Celtics are a basketball team from Boston. They wear green and white. They won a lot when everything was black and white and then they did not win a lot. The last time the won was ten years ago when America lost all its money. Their mascot is an athletic stereotype.

My brother said this is how you find Celtics fans.

The Boston Celtics are supposed to be good this year but they are not. They are 9–8 and that’s not what everyone said was going to happen. They have a lot of good players. They have too many good players. I think this is like when my Dad says that Mom is wrestling with too many boys and doesn’t have time to wrestle with him.

The Boston Celtics coach is Brad Stevens. Brad Stevens is really smart but not old so he probably smells fine. I do not know him but he likes me and wants me to do well in school today.

This is Brad Stevens watching his family fly away in a hot air balloon just kidding I don’t know what he is doing.

These are the players who play on the Boston Celtics.

Al Horford — Al Horford is a bald old man who is very tall. He is good but it does not feel good. He does good things that no one can see. He also does things that are good that I can sometimes see. He can not jump. His eyes are from his mother, who is a woman.

Al Horford.

Kyrie Irving — Kyrie Irving is a shoemaker and a basketball player. I am wearing his shoes right now and my friends like me more when I wear them. He dribbles and makes people guarding him feel bad. He is on the Boston Celtics because he didn’t want to be in Cleveland. I googled Cleveland and Cleveland is sad. Kyrie Irving’s knee was sick last year but now it is better. His knee might still be sick because he is not better. He says the earth is flat. Sometimes I say things for attention, too.

Kyrie Irving and a headband that keeps all his bad thoughts in.

Gordon Hayward — Gordon Hayward likes to play video games that I play. I am in the 4th grade. Gordon Hayward broke his leg last year and had to do rehab. Rehab is where you learn to miss two-point shots and not run as fast. He is white and Boston likes that.

I think we know who this is.

Jayson Tatum — Jayson Tatum is a star and I like that. He used to make points from far away, but now he likes to be close. But not too close, because then it would be easy. Jayson Tatum spent his summer with Kobe Bryant. My Dad won’t let me google interesting facts about Kobe Bryant.

Okobo touching Tatum’s wiener and farting. Tatum smelling a fart.

Jaylen Brown — Jaylen Brown is really smart. He jumps really high and his hair is cool. He used to play more but now they don’t let him play because other people need to play. Jaylen Brown is really smart so he knows this is dumb. It makes him sad.

Terry Rozier — Terry Rozier eats spaghetti with ranch dressing and sugar. He has a tattoo on his head. He wears scary masks. He is my best friend.

My mom won’t let me get this mask I want this mask.

Marcus Smart — Marcus Smart is really fast and is always on the ground. He likes to shoot. I do too. When I shoot the ball during my games my Dad cannot watch. I am Marcus Smart.

Marcus Smart either diving for a ball or shooting they look the same.

Brad Wannamaker — His profile page says “Bio coming soon…” so I will wait for that.

Daniel Theis — Daniel Theis is German and looks too tall to be good. He reminds me of a Giraffe with two legs. A Giraffe with two legs would die.

Guerschon Yasubele — Guerschon is French. His hair is red. His butt is bigger than my Mom’s car. He plays when all the fans leave.

Marcus Morris — He stole things which is bad. But he plays basketball well which is good. He is good. He has a twin. Mom says I ate my twin. I like that.

Aron Baynes — Aron Baynes is a giant. He used to stand close to the basket, but now that everyone likes to stand far away from the basket, he likes to do that too. He is not good at it. An old man saw him naked and said he liked that. I don’t like that.

Semi Ojeleye — Semi Ojeleye is really strong. He is not a basketball player. He is a thumb.

Robert Williams — Robert Williams is a rookie who is just like me. I can’t ever find my wallet and I am also called a “bust” by my parents.

Walter Lemon Jr. — I don’t know.

Jabari Bird — I keep getting told I should know but I don’t know please don’t give me a bad grade.

PJ Dozier — My Dad says I don’t have to know anything about this person.

In conclusion, that is my report on the Boston Celtics.